Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when she happened
upon a pile of fresh cow manure.

Due to the fact that it had been hours since she had had her last meal,
she flew down and began to eat. She ate and ate.

Finally, she decided she had eaten enough and tried to fly away.
She had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground.

As she looked around wondering what to do, she spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall.

She climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once she got airborne,
she would be able to take flight.
Unfortunately, she was wrong and she dropped like a rock, and smashed when she hit the floor.
Dead!

The moral of the story:
Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of crap!




**********


Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.

"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant" says Jimmy.
"A've goat everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs,
the reception, the rings, the Minister, even ma stag night".

Archie nods approvingly.

"A've even boat a kilt to be married in!"
continues Jimmy.

"A kilt?" exclaims Archie "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in tha.
What's the tartan?"

"Och" says Jimmy
"Ah'd imagine she'll be in white!