Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

“I don’t know about that new pro,” said Cameron at the golf club.
“He may be a little strange."

“Why do you think that?” asked Francis.

“He just tried to correct my stance again,” said Cameron.

“So?” said Francis. “He’s just trying to help your game.”

“Yeah, I know, but I was standing at the urinal at the time.”


***************************************

A Chinese guy is sitting next to a Jewish fellow on an airplane.

Out of the blue, the Jewish fellow slaps the Chinese fellow so
hard that his head reverberates.

The Chinese guy asks, 'What did you do that for?'

The Jewish guy says, 'That was for Pearl Harbor..'

The Chinese guy says, 'But Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese.'

The Jewish guy says, 'Japanese, Chinese, Korean, it's all the same to me.'

A few minutes of silence pass when out of the blue the Chinese guy slaps
the Jewish guy so hard that his head reverberates.

The Jewish guy asks 'What did you do that for?'

The Chinese guy says, 'That was for the Titanic..'

The Jewish guy says, 'But the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg.'

The Chinese guy says, 'Steinberg, Goldberg, Iceberg, it's all the same to me.'

*****************************************

I made the mistake of telling my husband an early symptom of
COVID is loss of smell.

He's taken to passing gas in my vicinity and then when I react,
informing me he is helpfully 'performing a health check'.

He taught the children the technique.

I may divorce him !

***********************************




***********************************

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says: 'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.
The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and
they weren't mine.'

His second friend says: 'I think my wife is having an affair with the
plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and
it wasn't mine.'

Paddy says: 'I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.

Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

'No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a
jockey under our bed !'

**************************************

After being with my ex GF for about 6 months, I came home early

and caught her in the bed, with my best friend!!

The emotional stress was awful!
I told her sternly to pack up her stuff a leave instantly!

The Dr ask me, "Well what did you do to your best friend!?"

I told him, "I looked him dead in his eyes and said...
BAD DOG!!"

*************************************

What do you call a baby army
The Infantry



Do you know what baby computers call their Father ?
Data !



Some people think my dad jokes are childish
But that's crazy, they are full groan !



My wife asked me do I think our kids are spoiled
naah I said, I think all kids smell like them.



Who is bigger? Mrs Bigger? or Mr Bigger? or their baby.
The baby. He is a little Bigger !



The Police are tough in my neighborhood.
Just the other day they arrested a dog for giving birth to puppies
on the side of the road.

She was charged with littering.



My friend David lost his ID
Now I just call him Dave