Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

A man spends the afternoon in a bar with his companion, a giraffe.
They are drinking heavily.

Eventually, the giraffe falls over and remains unconscious on the floor.

The man looks at the giraffe, shrugs and leaves.

The bartender chases him down the street, saying "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' in my bar!"

The man says "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe".

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I just spent $1000 to hire a limousine and found out it doesn't come with a driver.

Can't believe I spent all that money
and have nothing to chauffeur it!

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During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level.

He described a typical day this way:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake,
drank eight beers,
escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush,
jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake,
marched up and down several rocky hills,
stood in a patch of poison ivy,
crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees".

Inspired by the story, the doctor said "You must be one hell of an outdoors man!"

"NAH" he replied "I'm just a lousy golfer".