12-20-2018, 10:47 AM
At the National Art Gallery in London, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
"In fact," he pointed out "some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, a Scotsman, approached the couple and said "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it" he replied.
"In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Scottish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch".
*************************************************
Mr. Jones is attending a medical conference at London. He goes to reception and finds out from the receptionist that his room is on the fourteenth floor of the building. Exhausted from his long flight from New York City, he immediately proceeds to the elevator.
There, he is greeted by the jolly elevator attendant with a huge smile.
"Good day, Sir. Need a lift?"
"Lift?" Mr. Jones asked in amusement.
"Indeed, Sir" replied the man.
"You mean elevator?" Mr. Jones asked smiling.
The elevator attendant responded "Well yes, Sir. But here, we call it a lift".
"You really should call it an elevator, you know? Because as it was invented in our country, it's called that way" Mr. Jones quipped.
The good attendant gave him a cheeky response
"I hear you, Sir. But as the language was invented here, it's called a lift".
********************************************
Six old retired guys are sat playing poker at Gary's house one night when Rocco loses $600 bucks on a single hand. At the shock of this he clutches his chest and then drops dead from a heart attack.
Tony asks "Who's going to go and tell the situation to his wife?"
None of them want this horrible job so they finally decide to cut the pack, and lowest card loses and has to go tell her.
Ronald draws a three and loses so he's the one who has to go and break the bad news. The others tell him to be discreet and gentle so as not to make a bad situation even worse.
Ronald says "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet - discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me, not a problem".
He drives over to Rocco's house and knocks on the door. Rocco's wife answers and asks Ronald what he wants.
Ronald replies "I'm sorry to have to tell you this but your husband just lost $600 bucks playing cards and is afraid to come home.
He's asked me to come over here and apologize to you".
Rocco's wife goes crazy and screams "You tell him I said drop dead!"
Ronald doesn't bat an eyelid and says "Okay, I'll go tell him".
***************************************************************
An American, a Canadian and a Japanese were stranded in a deserted island in middle of nowhere.
They understood that until rescues arrived, they will need to work together in order to stay alive on the island.
So they decided to divide up the tasks.
The American points to the Canadian and says: "You will be in charge of building and maintaining a fire".
The Canadian nods.
Then he points to the Japanese and says: "You will be in charge of supplies".
The Japanese nods.
"And I will be in charge of building shelters, we will meet back here by sunset".
They agreed and went off their own ways.
By sunset, the American has built this beautiful sturdy shelter, enough for 3 plus more.
The Canadian created a big steady camp fire all ready to cook whatever they got.
But the Japanese is nowhere to be found.
After a few more hours, night falls and there were still no signs of the Japanese. They got worried and decided to go into the forest to look for him.
They inch slowly towards the forest with cautions because they don't know what wild beasts roam at night.
As soon as they stepped into the forest, a bush rustles, and out jumped the Japanese man screaming "SUPPLIES!!"
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
"In fact," he pointed out "some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, a Scotsman, approached the couple and said "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it" he replied.
"In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Scottish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch".
*************************************************
Mr. Jones is attending a medical conference at London. He goes to reception and finds out from the receptionist that his room is on the fourteenth floor of the building. Exhausted from his long flight from New York City, he immediately proceeds to the elevator.
There, he is greeted by the jolly elevator attendant with a huge smile.
"Good day, Sir. Need a lift?"
"Lift?" Mr. Jones asked in amusement.
"Indeed, Sir" replied the man.
"You mean elevator?" Mr. Jones asked smiling.
The elevator attendant responded "Well yes, Sir. But here, we call it a lift".
"You really should call it an elevator, you know? Because as it was invented in our country, it's called that way" Mr. Jones quipped.
The good attendant gave him a cheeky response
"I hear you, Sir. But as the language was invented here, it's called a lift".
********************************************
Six old retired guys are sat playing poker at Gary's house one night when Rocco loses $600 bucks on a single hand. At the shock of this he clutches his chest and then drops dead from a heart attack.
Tony asks "Who's going to go and tell the situation to his wife?"
None of them want this horrible job so they finally decide to cut the pack, and lowest card loses and has to go tell her.
Ronald draws a three and loses so he's the one who has to go and break the bad news. The others tell him to be discreet and gentle so as not to make a bad situation even worse.
Ronald says "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet - discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me, not a problem".
He drives over to Rocco's house and knocks on the door. Rocco's wife answers and asks Ronald what he wants.
Ronald replies "I'm sorry to have to tell you this but your husband just lost $600 bucks playing cards and is afraid to come home.
He's asked me to come over here and apologize to you".
Rocco's wife goes crazy and screams "You tell him I said drop dead!"
Ronald doesn't bat an eyelid and says "Okay, I'll go tell him".
***************************************************************
An American, a Canadian and a Japanese were stranded in a deserted island in middle of nowhere.
They understood that until rescues arrived, they will need to work together in order to stay alive on the island.
So they decided to divide up the tasks.
The American points to the Canadian and says: "You will be in charge of building and maintaining a fire".
The Canadian nods.
Then he points to the Japanese and says: "You will be in charge of supplies".
The Japanese nods.
"And I will be in charge of building shelters, we will meet back here by sunset".
They agreed and went off their own ways.
By sunset, the American has built this beautiful sturdy shelter, enough for 3 plus more.
The Canadian created a big steady camp fire all ready to cook whatever they got.
But the Japanese is nowhere to be found.
After a few more hours, night falls and there were still no signs of the Japanese. They got worried and decided to go into the forest to look for him.
They inch slowly towards the forest with cautions because they don't know what wild beasts roam at night.
As soon as they stepped into the forest, a bush rustles, and out jumped the Japanese man screaming "SUPPLIES!!"
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png)
USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit