Cats vs Dogs
CAT ANALYSIS
Cats do what they want.
They rarely listen to you.
They’re totally unpredictable.
When you want to play, they want to be alone.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They expect you to cater to their every whim.
They’re moody.
They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION:
Cats are tiny women in little fur coats.
DOG ANALYSIS
Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the same room.
They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
They growl when they are not happy.
When you want to play, they want to play.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They leave their toys everywhere.
They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
They go right to your crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION:
Dogs are tiny men in little fur coats.
Memory Problems?
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember things.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old
man gets up from his chair.
"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?",said the old lady
"Sure.",said the old man.
"Don't you think you should write it down so
you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it.",he said.
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
Maybe you should write it down, so's not to
forget it?",she says
He says, "I can remember that. You want a
bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain
you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it
down, I can remember it! Ice cream with
strawberries and whipped cream - I got it,
for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says,
"Where's my toast?"
(man can I relate....lol)
Two Caged Canaries
Once upon a time there were two canaries in a cage.
Naturally, one was male and the other female.
After many months, the male decided to meet the female.
So he scooted over to her side of the cage and said, "Since we're in this together, why don't I move over to your side of the cage!"
The female canary replied, "No, thanks!!"
So he went back to his side but found he could stay there no longer. Once again, he moved to her side of the cage.
This time he asked, "I am sorry I was to forward the first time. Why don't we get to know each other first?"
To which she replied again, "No, thanks!"
Resigning himself to return to his side of the
cage, he languished about for a bit then made one final effort.
He went halfway across the cage and stated, "Well, could we at least talk?"
This time she replied, "Oh, I am so sorry I
have been so mean. You see I just learned I
have a canarial disease called, "Chirpies"
and I hear it is untweetable."
CAT ANALYSIS
Cats do what they want.
They rarely listen to you.
They’re totally unpredictable.
When you want to play, they want to be alone.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They expect you to cater to their every whim.
They’re moody.
They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION:
Cats are tiny women in little fur coats.
DOG ANALYSIS
Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the same room.
They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
They growl when they are not happy.
When you want to play, they want to play.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They leave their toys everywhere.
They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
They go right to your crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION:
Dogs are tiny men in little fur coats.
Memory Problems?
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember things.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old
man gets up from his chair.
"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?",said the old lady
"Sure.",said the old man.
"Don't you think you should write it down so
you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it.",he said.
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
Maybe you should write it down, so's not to
forget it?",she says
He says, "I can remember that. You want a
bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain
you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it
down, I can remember it! Ice cream with
strawberries and whipped cream - I got it,
for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says,
"Where's my toast?"
(man can I relate....lol)
Two Caged Canaries
Once upon a time there were two canaries in a cage.
Naturally, one was male and the other female.
After many months, the male decided to meet the female.
So he scooted over to her side of the cage and said, "Since we're in this together, why don't I move over to your side of the cage!"
The female canary replied, "No, thanks!!"
So he went back to his side but found he could stay there no longer. Once again, he moved to her side of the cage.
This time he asked, "I am sorry I was to forward the first time. Why don't we get to know each other first?"
To which she replied again, "No, thanks!"
Resigning himself to return to his side of the
cage, he languished about for a bit then made one final effort.
He went halfway across the cage and stated, "Well, could we at least talk?"
This time she replied, "Oh, I am so sorry I
have been so mean. You see I just learned I
have a canarial disease called, "Chirpies"
and I hear it is untweetable."
Semper Fidelis
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USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit
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It is Well with My Soul 