Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

[Charon]

[IceWizard]

[Mr. HIND]

This article could've been satire in the not too distant past.

[Charon]

so much balderdash has being occuring in this world. sux.

[IceWizard]

[Charon]

terrible but true

[IceWizard]

Things My Mother Taught Me . . .

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
Into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck ,
You're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
"Make sure you wear clean underwear ,
In case you're in an accident ."

7. My mother taught me IRONY .
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
Who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going
To get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
Don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables,
You'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think
You were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope
They turn out just like you

[Charon]

me mother said many a one of those as well.

i don't think i ever spoke to my son that way.

[IceWizard]

The Triple Filter Test

In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance that ran up to him excitedly and said,

“Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?”
“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied.

“Before you tell me I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”
“Triple filter?”
“That’s right,” Socrates continued.

“Before you talk to me about my student let’s take a moment to filter what you’re going to say.
The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”
“No,” the man said,

“Actually I just heard about it.”
“All right,” said Socrates.

“So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness.
Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?”
“No, on the contrary …”
“So,” Socrates continued,

“You want to tell me something bad about him, even though you’re not certain it’s true?”

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued,

“You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter – the filter of Usefulness.
Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?”
“No, not really …”
“Well,” concluded Socrates ,

“If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?”
The man was defeated and ashamed and walked away without another word.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

But it is also the reason Socrates never found out Plato was banging his wife.